My stepson noticed an specific video of his dad on my cellphone. What ought to I do? | Life and elegance

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My husband of 10 years used to journey a bit on enterprise, and we might ship one another specific photographs and movies of ourselves. I assumed I had hidden all incriminating photographs in a protected folder on my cellphone, however, the opposite evening, whereas I used to be randomly flicking via outdated household movies with my husband and 13-year-old stepson, up popped a video of my husband in all his glory, holding himself. There was surprised silence from the 2 of us, then panicked laughter, whereas my stepson checked out me with a bemused “busted!” expression. He nonetheless appears unconcerned about it, however each of us really feel horrible. Ought to we have now a dialog about it, wait to see if he acts any otherwise in direction of us, or belief our first intuition, which was to be a bit embarrassed after which fake it by no means occurred? We’re not a prudish family, however we determine that forcing him to speak may make this episode even weirder and extra awkward than it already is. What ought to we do?

Our youngsters decide up on our attitudes in direction of intercourse with none phrases being spoken. Actually, essentially the most highly effective studying they obtain is the unstated message. They simply take up how every mother or father views intercourse, via our reactions when sexual content material seems on TV, or the way in which we react when somebody alludes to intercourse in dialog. Provided that unstated messages are essentially the most highly effective methods mother and father talk concepts and emotions about intercourse, you may have already let your stepson know the whole lot he wants to grasp about this. He’s sufficiently old to place it into context, and if he questions you sooner or later your job is to easily give a relaxed reply. You have been proper to normalise the unintended revelation, and there can be little level in returning to the topic.


  • Pamela Stephenson Connolly is a US-based psychotherapist who specialises in treating sexual problems.

  • If you need recommendation from Pamela on sexual issues, ship us a short description of your issues to non-public.lives@theguardian.com (please don’t ship attachments). Submissions are topic to our phrases and circumstances: see gu.com/letters-terms.

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